Thoughts of the Brokenhearted
by Major Trouble
Summary: A lot can pass through a person's mind in half a second. Let's dive into Han's mind.


**A lot can pass through a person's mind in half a second. Let's dive into Han's mind.**

**Disclaimer: _Star Wars_ belongs to George Lucas and LucasFilm. I have no affiliation with anyone affiliated with SW. No copyright infringement indeded and all that.**

The insults, the fights, the name-calling, the 'I don't know what you're talking about's. It was real, not hiding feelings like he had claimed. Wrong. He was dead wrong. Well, she had said she wanted to be there when he made a mistake, and he'd survived the asteroid field but maybe she had been there all along, as he made the biggest mistake he could make. But this time, this time he was right. She had just told him.

It was out of relief. They weren't going to be a lot thinner as he had predicted; the droids had come through in the end, and she was relieved that she was still alive. She didn't even care about _him_, just herself and maybe one other. No wonder she'd been on the other side of the corridor and taking shots at him while hardly saying a word to the kid.

She was right; he was a gifted pilot. There's no denying that, even if he's not as cocky as he is. Which, by the way, he is. She was right in more ways than she knew. If he left, the kid died. Maybe she did need him… to rescue the kid. Nothing more. The kid dies, and maybe in the end the Rebellion dies because there's no Jedi knight to make the difference against Vader. And maybe he should've arranged that for her, since obviously she wasn't kidding.

She wasn't trying to tick him off. He was a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder, after all. That's all he was to her. She was trying to disguise her feelings for one as hate for the other. A well-worked plan, as a matter of fact. It worked, after all – neither boy expected it. And she stalked out without another word.

He had guessed she felt something she didn't. When she said it wasn't enough she wasn't kidding; nothing from him would ever be enough, not unless he was the only option in the galaxy. Including Wookiees.

He'd started that. She'd tried to back off. Tried to tell him she didn't want it. Did he listen? No, of course not. And when the droid showed up she left right away, as soon as she was able. The last thing she said before wasn't a lie, either. That's why she had feelings for the kid. But he wasn't around.

The kid wasn't around. That's all it was; too much time and too little to do, and the kid wasn't there. If the kid were there, he would have spent the trip alone in the cockpit while she and the Jedi were holed up in his cabin.

She didn't. She didn't necessarily know that she didn't, but it was a lie nonetheless, one that came from those weeks. It wasn't true; it was just what she thought was true because of something physical that had passed. And he had been much too cocky in his response to her, for it turned out he had assumed incorrectly the whole time, and she was there.

Maybe she'd had a fling and it hadn't worked out. Or maybe it had. But she'd been lying again. Maybe it was to try and ease his way back, make things less rough on him and then break the news to him later. Help him out until he could take things on his own and was strong enough to know the truth.

She wasn't in it for him; she was in it for them. And maybe so she would look like something in the Jedi's eyes. She thought he was crazy; maybe she was right, but not for the reasons she thought. Well, those too.

She hadn't broken the news yet. Keeping appearances, that's what it was. The kid knew, so what was it to him? Besides, he had initiated that, hadn't he? Again. It usually was him, but she went with it and who was he to argue? Just keeping appearances.

All it was was a need for comfort after her lover left, maybe to never return. It was as simple as that. She was stressed; he had left. They'd had their good-bye kiss, and then she needed the hug. That's where he came in. Damn, how stupid could he be?

Her cocky reply was just mimicking him, but she actually did. She was right, he had been wrong. That figures, right? Nothing new there. And she got the credit for the two. That's just adding insult to injury.

And now, sitting under the trees and looking up at the remnants of the explosion of the second Death Star, she had confirmed his fears with a simple word in a tone that implied he should have known from the start.


End file.
